There are things I’ve been trying to repress but I can’t live my whole life pretending these things didn’t happen.
These days are eating me alive, they tug and pull at me. I can’t seem to feel okay with anything I do, I can’t see the good in my actions even if people say I make them happy. I know everything is my fault, every little thing that’s wrong in my interior universe is my fault. I say move on and accept things for what they are but how could I possibly move on from something I recently found the courage to talk about even if it triggers feelings. I just hate the flashbacks from when I was younger and the terrors and blackouts they cause. The night terrors are worse, I find myself crying and sweating. Well I can’t even cry anymore, it’s like I stopped crying and picked up on a few other habits. And now here she comes to just pile on more shit to the pile of crap and tells me about her past seven months in rehab. No, just no. I went about two years trying to get over the things I had to see and do for her and the feelings she made me feel and now it’s been three years and there she is all good with nothing but a few habits, way better than mine. No, I will not be her friend or talk to her. Blocking her off my tumblr right now and pretending I never got her messages.